I have played with drummers that play faster when excited and sometimes harder when excited. There are some drummers out there who understand volume, speed, hitting the drum in the same spot for tone, and other important aspects in drumming outside of the basics. It is just as important to practice your volume as it is to practice rudiments and tempo. For some people I think the concept comes more naturally than others. It also has a lot to do with studying different styles of music.
I'd say if you are playing with a drummer who is having trouble balancing his volume/ hitting the drums at a proper velocity, his monitoring should be checked out. If that doesn't work he should practice beats striking the drums consistantly at different speeds. Some drummers trace a quarter in the center of the drum and aim for that spot each time. That kind of focus should help out.
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