n the beginning there was a bass.
It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz- nobody knows.
Anyway, it was really old...definitely pre-C.B.S.
And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn`t be improved upon (though people would later try.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.
And lo, the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful "Sunburst", and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang throughout the earth and the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good.
And God heard that it was good and He smiled upon his handiwork.
Then, in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo, it was funky. And God dug this funkiness and He said "Yeah. Let it happen."
And more time passed, and, having no gigs anyway, the man came to practice the bass. And lo, he came to have a great set of chops and he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.
And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which he had just finished creating earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He had not yet created... and He was displeased. And He spoke to the man, saying, "Cool it."
Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he laid down a blizzard of funky notes.
And God heard this and it really bugged Him. And He spoke to the man and said, "Listen, if I wanted Joe Pass I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."
And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high.
And he took the frets off the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook and rattled ... and probably rolled.
Now God`s wrath was great. And his voice was as thunder as He spoke to the man.
And He said, "O.K. for you. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can think of. And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes that thine head shall ache, and I shall make you always stand next to the drummer. You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall be able to play higher and faster than the bass.
And for all the days of Man, your curse shall be this: That all other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say, "Wow", but really shall they hate it. And they shall tell you you`re ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night. And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink."
And it was so.
|