In hard rock, I prefer harder hits when the player knows how to be consistent and exciting (see: Bonham, Trainer, MacNeilly, Walford, Chambers, Stanier).
I also think it's kind of rare to find a drummer who knows how to use stress well and even rarer to find a band that plays up to that stress. That monolithic POW is glorious to me.
In a rock band, I'd suggest using earplugs or being in another band if your complaint is the drummer hits too hard. I'll give the drummer a benefit of a doubt and assume he isn't hitting too hard, the band is not hitting hard enough.
Again, I mean in hard rock. Not all material is appropriate for POW.
-r
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